Why do I question my worth

Humans are criticism machines. We are constantly assessing the use of everything around us. Can this tree branch be used as a tool? Does this music make me feel good? Are these people helping or hindering my safety in the world?

We also compare everything to everything else. What is better, what is worse? Who is weak, who is strong? What is valuable, what is worthless?

These thought processes are even directed towards ourselves. We ask “Are we valuable?” and even “Are we as valuable as other people?”

These things create a low sense of self-worth

Here are a few aspects of life that might lead, directly or indirectly, to lowering a person’s belief in themselves:

  • Bad relationships and breakups
  • Unsupportive family members
  • Non-receptive friends and confidants
  • People who question your value
  • Poor health
  • Bad working conditions

It is also a very individual thing. Some people will naturally have greater fluctuations in self-esteem than others.

Ideally, your internal sense of value should never decrease based on your circumstances or based on other people’s inability to see that value.

However, in practice it isn’t that easy.

Social media makes it hard not to question our worth

We mercilessly compare ourselves to our peers and neighbors. It used to be called “Keeping Up With The Joneses”. Today that expression sounds quaint, yet the way we compare ourselves and our lives to others on social media is not that different.

In fact, it is worse, because there is no limit on the internet to who you can compare yourself to: people on the other side of the world, born into entirely different circumstances, with one-in-millions luck and genetics.

If you compare yourself to billions of people, you’re always going to find infinite ways to feel bad about yourself. Compared to everybody, how can anybody feel they are good enough? They have everything that we don’t.

That is why finding a sense of self-worth is so much harder in the modern world than ever before. And why is it so much more important to educate ourselves about what self-worth really is.

Why positive self-worth is vital

Low self-worth can poison other positive emotions. Love and achievement can turn sour when you doubt yourself. And if even successes can be damaged by low self-worth, tiny failures can be devastating.

Therefore it can be a huge challenge to live a happy and meaningful life without a healthy base of self-worth and self-esteem.

You are enough

You don’t have to have an exploding Instagram following to be living a meaningful life. You don’t have to have the sleekest car and the biggest salary to be successful. You don’t have to have a perfect relationship to show off.

You would think that our self-worth must be founded on the things we have achieved or the material successes we can point to in our lives. Actually, this is not even slightly the case. It’s completely backwards. It is all about how you frame your circumstances.

We find our greatest success in life when we accept who we are. We accept our strengths and weaknesses and are honest with ourselves.

When you throw off expectations and external pressure you can recognise something: “I am alive. That is in itself amazing. That alone makes me worthy of self-esteem. I am an amazing, unique being, and I accept that.”

When you recognise that you are enough you will not only feel better, but you will have the potential to achieve more.

You can get help to discover your self-worth

Every year, therapy helps millions of people build their self worth. There are many options to find therapy, including the NHS IAPT program and a range of in-person therapists that you can find in your area through BCAP.

If you are interested in therapy through video calls, E-Therapy provides top-class service online with exceptional therapy practitioners from all walks of life. Find a therapist today.